Proverbs 13:20 says: “Whoever walks with the wise will become wise; whoever walks with fools suffers harm” (NLT).
I woke up this morning and read this verse as a part of my morning time in God’s Word. As I was reading this wisdom saying I couldn’t help but think of the recent incidents involving several teenage girls who savagely cornered and beat-up a peer of their’s out of a desire to upload the video footage on You Tube. Aside from all the nuances of exactly what the appropriate measures are legally for those who committed the actions and those who aided and abetted them, I think this proverbial statement has a lot of merit for people of all ages.
The simple reality is we become in many ways who we “rub shoulders” with. I think this holds even more weight given the fluidity with which young people can interact with more and more people they may not truly know through the use of technology and mediums that were unavailable to previous generations. A tenuous reality is afforded to most young people in that they can walk with people of all sorts without their parents or loved ones supervision or in-depth awareness. So it’s no longer a matter of simply asking one’s child, “Who are you going out with tonight?” Now it’s a matter of asking “Who are you in touch with at any given moment of any given day or night?”
Proverbs 13:20 reminds me that as a father I have to count it a primary priority to understand who my kids are “walking with.” Are they walking with the wise or are they engaged in relationships with the foolish? The one leads to wisdom… the other leads to harm.
Are we willing to involve ourselves in the difficult (and sometimes messy) experience of getting to know the ways in which our kids are getting to know others in this fallen world? Further, do we ourselves assess our own relationships with the filter of pondering the influences we open ourselves to?
Those who make it a point to walk with the wise become wise themselves. Those who journey with the foolish open themselves to the way of harm. Who are we walking with? Who are our kids walking with?
Pastor Tim
4-22-08
2:25PM
Pastor Tim,
This is such a fitting message. Peer pressure among our teens has been an ongoing issue since we were teens. But it also plays a huge role in our lives as adults. We are who we hang out with. I have found that during recovery, by dropping my old friends and surrounding myself with Christian brothers and sisters, my life has been much easier to live. I no longer associate with people who live in the broken world. I am involved with people who live in the Truth. God Bless!
— Eddie Coleman · Apr 26, 08:25 AM · #
Great verse Tim. It is straight forward and easy enough to for my kids to grasp. We have used similar biblical concepts to springboard into conversations with our kids about their relationships at school. To our kids, Andrea and I come across as overprotective. When we begin with scripture, our guidance carries a much deeper meaning to them. Thanks.
— Steve AmRhein · Apr 28, 01:38 PM · #
It’s interesting to me that so many parents give their children the tools to interact with virtual strangers (no pun intended) and yet often don’t go the added step further to make sure that the tools the kids have at their disposal are used responsibly. For example, say I give my child a laptop and allow him/her to have it in their bedroom. All of a sudden I’ve opened a literal new world to them through internet access and yet have sent them on their own to journey into this realm without walking with them and watching over them.
I think the image of Jesus as Shepherd is a good one to apply to this… Jesus as Shepherd takes it upon Himself to watch over us sheep. So He walks with us. He watches over us. He defends us and at the same time keeps us at His side. He knows whether we are with Him or have strayed… and if we’ve wondered off He’s after us just as soon as He realizes we’ve up and gone. Isn’t this the role of parent too?
— Tim Farrell · Apr 29, 09:46 AM · #
Tim, thank you so much for making this wonderful resource available to all of us. Your two messages are a great reminder of how important it is not only to seek wisdom in our decision making, but that it be Godly wisdom. It is so easy sometimes to get caught up in what seems to be “common sense” to us, even when parenting. But, what a wonderful gift we have in the Bible as our life’s manual. Eddie made a great point that we need to surround ourselves with other believers as we’re commanded by God’s Word to do. Your mention of the recent girl’s brawl is one that saddens me greatly. When I hear events like this, I am always reminded how different the lives of these people would be if only they were following God and His wisdom. As we try to teach our kids about making good, godly decisions we also try to help them understand that they need to do it not just for themselves but to be Jesus’ light out in the world also. I think they get tired of hearing it sometimes and then one of them will come home and tell us about a random act of kindness they did that day. I believe just through their actions and the choices they make, as young as they are can have a great impact on their peers and even us as parents! A Scripture I love about wisdom is from James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives GENEROUSLY to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” What a great promise! Have a blessed day everyone and Tim, thought you’d like to know this is the first time I ever blogged—I’m a blogger now!
— Linda LaVardera · Apr 30, 09:29 AM · #
I stopped by here to read Linda’s first blog, and now I have to chime in myself. Linda and I are always struggling with the level of dicipline to dole out to our children. Steve’s comment hits home because we too, are perceived as over protective by our children and in comparison to other children in our schools. A huge problem with today’s “hip parents” society is to be your kid’s buddy, over indulge them, and give them alot of “Space.” The results of which are evident in the incidents that Tim mentions above with children’s abhorrent behavior making the national news. Who’s really to blame, the children or their parents?
Reading down further in Proverbs, 13:24, we find: “He who spares the rod, hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to dicipline him.” Obviosly, the “rod” is not a physical stick or bat, but the rod of punishment. This Proverb reminds us, (when we are letting guilty feelings of overprotection get to us, as compared to other parents we see every day) that our dicipline is rooted in love.
— Doug LaVardera · Apr 30, 02:11 PM · #
I couln’t agree with you more Doug. The Proverbs relate that if we truly love our children we will discipline them. One of the alarming trends I am literally seeing is what I call “the glazed over look.” Sometimes when I look in the eyes of young people (and I’m certainly generalizing) I see this kind of glazed over look in their eyes. A kind of look that says they have lost hope and any sort of direction in their lives. I think one of the things children are apt to do early on, is to push the envelop with their parents. Not so much to get their own way as to see if their parents love them enough to challenge their words/behaviors. Although a child may not enjoy the consequences they receive for misbehavior, I do believe that inside they sigh a sigh of relief that their parents care enough to discipline them. This gives a child a sense of security and groundedness that gives life to their outlook, actions, and beliefs. Now certainly discipline can be taken too far, but I think it’s important that we respond to what are children are saying and doing with the goal of lovingly steering them in the right direction. Not an easy task to say the least. – Tim Farrell – May 5, 12:14 PM
— Tim Farrell · May 5, 11:17 AM · #